外星人控制美国政府（英语新闻）

　　WASHINGTON D. C. – President Barack Obama announced that extra-terrestrial aliens have been controlling the world’s major governments since shortly after the end of World War II. President Obama made the stunning declaration at an unscheduled White House press conference early this morning.

　　华盛顿消息——奥巴马总统宣布在二战之后不久，就控制了全世界的大部分政府。奥巴马在今早的非预定白宫发言中，作出此项惊人声明。

　　“This has been going on since the 1950s,” President Obama told the crowd of stunned reporters, “They were attracted to our planet in large numbers due to our discovery of atomic fission, to our use of nuclear weapons.”

　　“这在1950年代，就开始了”奥巴马总统向目瞪口呆的记者宣布。“由于我们发现了核裂变，并使用了核武器，他们大量降临地球。”

　　Obama described how the 1947 Roswell incident involved a type of alien popularly known as The Greys, who were the first to make themselves outwardly known.

　　奥巴马说，1947年罗斯维尔事件，让人们知道了一批称为小灰人的外星人，他们是第一批让公众知道的外星人。

　　“Today, practically every human being on earth knows what a Grey alien looks like,” the President said with a shrug, “Once contact was established with the Greys, President Truman made a deal with them, letting them build bases here in exchange for technology. After that, President Eisenhower met with a group of aliens commonly known as the Nordics, who are similar enough to terrestrial humans to move among us almost completely unnoticed. They offered us a place in the universal brotherhood of enlightenment if we were willing to disarm ourselves of nuclear weapon. Unfortunately, both we and the Soviet union  , who were also facing this offer, decided to hold on to the nukes.”

　　“今天，几乎每个人类都知道了小灰人的长相”，奥巴马总统耸了一下肩，“杜鲁门总统和小灰人进行了一次接触，让他们在这里建立基地，条件是用技术交换。那之后，艾森豪威尔总统与一群被公众称为高大白种人的外星人进行了接触，这种外星人和地球人极为类似，可以在我们中间自由行走，而不会引起注意。他们说如果我们愿意自动放弃核武器，将对人类进行宇宙融合的启蒙。不幸的是，我们和苏联，虽然都接到了这个邀请，但都决定继续持有核武器。”

　　The President went on to explain that, since then, a variety of alien groups have established secret programs to work around the resistance by world governments to abandoning nuclear weapons and the threat of multi-dimensional devastation they pose.

　　奥巴马继续解释，从那之后，大量的外星人群体，开始秘密通过全世界的政府进行废除核武器的抵抗运动，这些核武器会导致多维度的灾难。

　　“Aliens have been around for a long time, and not all of them travel by spaceship,” President Obama explained, “They can manipulate time and space, which are both important and strongly-interconnected properties of reality, but not the only ones. One result of that manipulation is anti-gravity faster-than-light propulsion. Another result is a form of control over the kinds of trans-dimensional perception most commonly known as remote viewing, telepathy, astral travel, bi-location, or any of a large number of other names.”

　　“外星人在我们周围已经很久了，但并非都是坐飞碟来的。”奥巴马总统说，“他们可以操纵时间和空间这两个我们现实社会的重要属性，且不局限于此。一种操纵是比光速还快的反重力措施。另外一种控制是超三维的感知，最常见的为遥视，心灵感应，星光体旅行，分身术，以及各种各样的名字。”

　　Nodding to himself, the President paused to take a long look at the apprehensive faces filling the silent room.

　　奥巴马点点头，沉默了一会儿，看着满屋子错乱不堪的沉没的表情。

　　“The point is,” he continued, “aliens have controlled our governments for the past sixty years and…”

　　“关键是，”他继续说：“外星人已经在过去的60年内，控制了我们的政府….”

　　At that point, President Obama lifted his hand to cover what, at first, seemed to be a cough.

　　此时，奥巴马举起手挡住嘴巴，好像要咳嗽。

　　“Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself,” the President said, wiping a tear out of the corner of his eye after he’d finished laughing, “I’m just kidding about the aliens running our government. No, we human beings are responsible for the terrible mess we’re in and we’re just going to have to get ourselves out of it, all by ourselves.”

　　“对不起，我只是有点想咳嗽”总统笑过后，从眼角擦了下眼泪，“我只是对外星人控制了政府这件事，开句玩笑，不，我们人类正在为我们所处的烂摊子负责，我们人类正自己走出来。”